My hand turned me down
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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