i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
