Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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