Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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