A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
