I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
