fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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