just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
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