I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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