the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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