and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
