JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
