if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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