He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My feet surprised me
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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