I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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