I wish you could order shots online.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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