Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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