Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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