she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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