Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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