I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
