this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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