Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
