I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
