Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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