and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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