When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
