My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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