I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
