a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
