I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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