he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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