where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
