My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
