sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
