she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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