She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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