I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
