I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
