You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
