Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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