Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
