Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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