wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
When are your genitals available?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
