are you so shy because you have an std?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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