so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
