You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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