I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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