quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
