Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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