ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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