I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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