now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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