New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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