We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
