He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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