So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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