how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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