speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
