Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
