apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
