I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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