he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
