do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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