I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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