i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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