So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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