Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
