Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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