So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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