The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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