My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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