so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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