My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
