Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
