brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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