There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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