You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
