Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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