im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
