I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
