Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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