I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
