Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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