Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
